You sent pic of yr bro in the middle of our conversation
just to show me how handsome your bro is now
and expect me to agree with you how much hotter or good-looking he has become?

And yr actually expecting me to like it?

I'm quiet? Sounds like I don't like you sending your bro's handsome pic to me?????
Hello?What you expect me to say?

Woahhhh!!!!! look how hot he has become!!! Look at the hair, OMG the bulging muscles!!!!!! Damyum!!  He's totally HAWTTTT now!!!!!

Excuse me?

Imagine if I send you a picture of my sister
and expect you to be amazed with how hotter or good-looking my sister has become,
how would you feel?

you get me now?

You would like the pic? and moreover to compliment and agree with me how HAWT she has become?

You understand that feeling now?



It's like trying to "make" myself to agree with you how beautiful N's white P car is.
It's like trying to "make" myself to agree and compliment how wonderful yr ex was. (PS: I still rmb you kept quiet when I said yr ex must be a fantastic and wonderful person. Meaning you agreed to it. You know how I felt that moment? You'll never know.)

If you want your other half to treat you like a princess, as least treat the person like a prince even the person has promised to treat you like a princess and you didnt promise to treat the person like a prince.

I'm sorry that your male friends gave you fancy gifts every time after a break and I don't.
I'm sorry that you're so upset that you have to ask me to buy you gift after a short break.
I'm sorry that I don't treat you like your male friends.
But you know what? When you bring this up to me, I feel like I'm not treating you "right" in the sense that it is not the way you want it and it's like telling me that how your male friends treat you is the "right" way.
I feel like you're trying to tell me I'm not better than your male friends and that you are comparing how I treat you with how your male friends treat you and that you prefer how your male friends treat you more.
I thought one shouldn't compare the present with the past, especially comparing how males treated you in the past with HOW YOUR BF TREATS YOU NOW.

I feel so hurt.
So angry and most of all, upset.
It's like all the things I have done for you, doing so many handmade cards for you on special days, buying you gifts on special days or outings, bring you out every week or whenever I'm able to do so, taking care of you, help you with your problems, be there for you when you're down, help you to settle your problem, care so much so much for you, dedicate all my time for you, make occasion surprises for you on important days

ARE NOT EVEN COMPARABLE TO

HOW YOUR !@#$%^&* MALE FRIENDS TREATED YOU.

I'm sorry I don't get to take you to TGI Fridays so often like N.
I'm sorry I didn't buy you the expensive and delicious chocolates that you enjoy so much like N.
I'm sorry I don't have that a WHITE P. like N.
I'm sorry my car doesn't have BROWN leather seats like N's.
I'm sorry my car is so less-attractive compared to WHITE P. like what N has.
I'm sorry I don't have limited edition WHITE P. like N's.
I'm sorry I didn't buy or make you gifts THAT YOU LIKE especially like what N and P gave you.
I'm sorry that I'm just a poor stupid student with only RM 100 weekly that couldnt afford to pay for your food DAILY and all the expenses when we go out but nonetheless that have worked so hard to dig money from whatever means I could and paid 90% of them.
I'm sorry that I have to upset so much that I couldn't pay everything for you.
I'm sorry that I made you so upset when I replied you text late while I was always trying so hard to text you ONCE i'm able to do so while you allowed yourself to reply my text late just bcs you're dl stg, watching drama and so on.
I'm sorry that all the above made you so upset that you think I don't love you or I don't love you as much as those who would die just to get you or be with you.
I'm so sorry that I keep most things above to myself just because I value our relationship more than anything else.
I'm so sorry that I've reached my threshold where I have to open up all these to you.
I'm so sorry that I've been having a real hard time trying to love you more while you make me feel how worthless am I to you and that your just so demanding and insensitive about my feelings.

It has been almost 5 months I wanted to tell you all these, I didnt do it because I think
nahhhh~ it's alrite, as long as our relationship keeps going, I'm alright~ I can take the pain.
because I still love you and im not willing to let go our love yet...


What I'm trying to say here is yr always comparing how others treat you and how I treat you and that I'm not treating you as good as the others and you're always insensitive about my feelings.
When I suddenly don't talk or don't feel like talking, you should have known that I'm upset about stg.
You don't have to ask, it's easy to tell when I'm upset.
Please don't just get angry when I get upset, you should be finding out what causes me to get moody all in a sudden.
And it's easy to know what causes me upset bcs I dont normally get upset and the incident right before I get upset or moody is the cause!!! Normally is what you said~
Please don't say I dont think about yr feelings when I'm trying tell you that I'm not happy with something about you.

I'm sorry I'm not as good-looking as Y*ng H*a.
I'm sorry I don't have his hair and muscles.


I remember how you told me how handsome and muscular he is
when you showed me that MV.
I felt so upset whenever you told how good this guy or that guy is.

When you ask me to get a haircut like his, I felt like you're trying to make me
to be like him because you like him.
For a moment, it felt like you don't like the original me as much as you like him.

You told me I'm not your type at all.

You know how hard is it to talk and to smile to you
while my heart feels so terribly hurt?
With that overwhelming lung-pressing feeling?
and to pretend like I'm okay just because I love you so much
I didnt want to affect yr mood or have a fight with you.

Comparing me to your ex

I still remember that night when you compared me to your ex.
Goshhh, it hurt me so much knowing that you actually compared how good your ex
treated you and how I dont treat you as good as how he treated you.


I couldn't sleep the whole night.
I felt like killing myself that night.
I felt so worthless.
I felt like yr comparing my love to you with your ex's love to you
and that yr saying I don't love you as much as your ex did.


When I said yr ex must be a very amazing person aside from the dumping you part,
you silently agreed.
That made me felt like yr still not getting over with yr ex yet,
especially that happy face of yours when you talked about how he treated you
and always mentioning to me how much he loved you.
And I felt so inferior about myself, like I'm not even near to how good or amazing your ex is.
I really felt worthless.

For a moment, I thought to myself,
What am I doing so much for this relationship?
I felt like all the things that I done weren't even close to how well your ex treated you.
Like I'm nothing compared to your ex.
For that moment, I really felt like stopping everything I've been doing
I felt so worthless about myself.

My tears were dropping as I tried hard not to think about it and sleep.
But I couldnt.
And it hurts me too much, that torturing feeling surrouding my neck and chest
to an extend where my tears just flowed out from my eyes so naturally no matter
how hard I tried to stop them from flowing out.

I really hate being compared, it's very very very very very very hurtful and torturing.

Imagine if I did this to you....how would you feel?

Goshhhhhh writing this makes me cry.... . . .   ..

You're the one who told me that the black P. looks really nice and urged me to get the black one

So I showed faces to my dad, mum and brother when dad intended to give the black P. to brother.

I did everything I could to hint them that I want the black P.

In the end, I got the black P.

I did this bcs you like the black P. and that I want to make you happy with the black P.

And after I got the black P., you said the car looks nicer with lighter colour, especially white.

You said you dont know about others, that's what you like.

You emphasized so much to me that it looks how fantastically good in black and now you're saying it looks better with lighter colours, especially white?

How do you think I felt when you said that to me?

And guys are just as sensitive as anybody else...

N.'s car IS WHITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Not to mention how many times you have told me how beautiful his white P is!!!

He's my love rival, for god sake.

Do you know how painful is it to admit that his White P. is SO MUCH better looking than my black P.?

Everytime you say how WHITE P. looks so awfully good, 

it's like you're comparing my Black P. to his WHITE P

and that my Black P. would never ever top his WHITE P.

Do you know how that feels?

It's like so many knives stabbing in the chests repeatedly for so long and so long.

IT BOTHERS SO MUCH EVERY TIME YOU SAY HOW NOT GOOD-LOOKING THE BLACK P. IS & HOW BEAUTIFUL WHITE P. IS.

I got so upset I couldnt even utter a word everytime you said stg like that to me.
I don't like being compared to others, it's really really really hurtful and it upsets me so much so much.

You know why I always look at my car? Im trying see how badly my black P. is compared to white P. and hoping I would find stg my black P has that is better than white P.
Im trying to find this one better-thing, hoping that one day you'd see it too and 
say, "Hey I think perhaps this one thing of the black P. is better than the white's. =)"
And till now, I still couldnt find that one little thing while thinking about yr awed face every time you looked at the white P.


But my affection for my black P. has grown so much ever since you said how pretty the white one is.
(since then I cant stop myself from loving my black P. more)
Maybe because Im jealous of the white P. so much I didnt realise how far the jealousy has gone to.

Why cant you just tell your admirers that yr in a relationship or that you have a boyfriend?

A princess who truly loves her prince would always think for the prince.

Not to just demand blindly for love and sacrifices from the prince.

Have you thought the sacrifices that I have made through the relationship?

Have you not have the time or will to even think about it because you think it is absolute 

from your boyfriend?

Love is mutual, it's a process whr both the parties grow together.
Learn about one another sacrifices, learn about the ways to ease the aftermath of the sacrifices,
learn to cut down unnecessary sacrifices, learn to help one another, learn to ease one another better
in life.

And why am I feeling such huge one-sided burden from the relationship?

You know how many times I smiled to you while feeling knives stabbing to my chest?
I can barely smile!
It's so hard for me...

Why did you always emphasize how well boys treat you, especially of my love rivals.
You know how I feel when you're talking about all these?
Unbearable...

Why are you always saying that I ignore you
While you have nvr think of how tired I am sometimes to even utter a word from the accumulated tiredness from taking care of you and fulfilling my responsibilities?
How can you not think from my perspective if you truly love me that much?
How can you allow yrself to ignore me but you get so mad when I couldnt respond due to tiredness?
How can you be so unfair to me?

Just in case you didnt realise, I have dedicated all my time to you.
Why are you always giving me emotional stress?
I have just realised in the recent weeks that I have lost interest in everything
including Kpop and my passion for Korean language and my will to work in Korea
bcs I have no time to keep up with my passion and interest anymore.

I wake up when you wake up.
I wait you for hours in the campus just to be able to fetch you back or to eat at the soonest time possible after yr class.
When I have things to do, you have the free time to sleep or do things you want.
And I'm driving all the time.
How can you always compare how tired you are to me?
How can you always compare how many hours you slept to how many hours of sleep I get without including all the rest and sleep you get when i'm doing my things.

Do you know how it feels when the one you love so dearly compare 

you with his/her ex? It's like thousands of knife stabbing on the chest

at the same time, the feeling is so overwhelming you cant even breathe.

I want money to buy things I want too....
I need money to spend some time with my friends too...

How can you only gave me RM 50 per week and sometimes less than RM 50
while we agreed to share all expenses equally.
I have brought this up to you numerous times and you matter your saving for
clothes and shoes more than me?

I wish you know how im feeling inside now as my "ex"-best friend is hoping us to breakup.

Im not going to listen to him because i love you.

I washed my car under the 1pm hot sun, found excuse to leave in the afternoon, rushed back to cyber, and patiently waited for 4 hours because I love you...

and I get scolded bcs I was kinda tired as a result of stupidly waited for you for hours.
Sorry that I'm such a stupid, I love you too much I guess.

Black vs. White

I know his car is white and perfect with brown leather seats... you dont have to keep reminding me about how nice is his car.

I guess black is never better than white bcs everyone knows white stands out.

Im a bad person

She's pretty, popular and everything~
and have so many admirers
Am I stopping her from having a good life?
=\

Am I doing the right thing?

She feels lonely bcs she's losing her friends.
And that's because she's in a relationship now.

And most of all, she lost her best friend, N, who has been there
and has done so much for her.
N may be the only person who would ever love her that deep...
Im not saying that I don't love her and wouldn't love her as deep
but looking at N... I...

*sigh* If I knew N's story from the beginning... I wouldn't have....
kept seeing her at the first place & let myself love her uncontrollably
I wouldn't have allowed my love for her to grow stronger day by day
No one was there to tell me anything....... No one....
Im too deep in love with her now...

When she first told me that N's so in love with her, I was really shocked!
I didn't show it but I was really really shocked!
I know she always go out with him and her friends are seeing them as a couple
but I thought they are just friends.
I thought N only treats her as a friend.

Till I found out about the N's story - 3years of courting and being her only soul mate
thingy... I got so shocked and overwhelmed by guilt~

And when I found out that P, one of her closest friend, has strong affection for her...
(Oh please... it's definitely not the feeling to a sister. We talked so long and he made things
so clear to me - I've even talked face-face to him, details on the face and emotions have shown
things so clear - P even said the way P loves her is greater than to her ex. ~and why would you bring
up your ex to compare to this feeling of yours to her? You know what I mean.)

That moment, seriously I... ... I really don't know how to express that feeling here now.
It's like all her closest friends (all males)  have feelings for her...
Now that I'm with her, her friends are getting away from her......

Sometimes when I think about it
I feel so guilty
I barge into her life from nowhere, I affect her life so much.
Im making her losing her friends.
Now Im creating problems and pains to her life.
Im the root to all her problems.
Am I doing the right thing?

She means too much to me
I just want her to be happy
P is right.
All these changes started bcs of me and that I should fix the problem.
Should I let go of this relationship so that her friends can come back to her?
So that she won't feel so lonely (this bunch of friends of hers means so much to her)
so that she'll feel better in life. =\

You know... as long as she's happy...as long she feels better
I'm willing to let go...


I just want her to be happy